


The Penis who terrorized London

by KinkyHouseElf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23027461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinkyHouseElf/pseuds/KinkyHouseElf
Summary: Ron’s penis causes destruction





	The Penis who terrorized London

The Penis who terrorized London

The trio were glad to be spending time together again; it was just the three of them, eating sandwiches at a Muggle restaurant on a Sunday morning. They loved trying out Muggle restaurants in London; it was nice to take a break from the wizarding world. After they were done, they hurried to the back alley, and when they made sure no one was there, all disapparated with a loud pop, and apparated to The Burrow.

‘AAAAAAAHHH’ Ron screamed as soon as they arrived.

‘What is it!?’ Hermione asked with concern, as Ron put his hands over his crotch, and collapsed in pain. Hermione’s eyes widened as she moved close to Ron’s crotch. She peeked down and exclaimed ‘Oh no! Ron’s been splinched again...his penis is missing!’ Harry gasped and yelled  
‘We’ve got to get him to St. Mungo’s!’ while he looked around for some dittany.

**************

I looked all around me. I was in a place with so many buildings. It felt nice to be out, I didn’t get much chance to see the outside world. But this time it was different, I realized. I was no longer attached to my human. I was a free penis, free to do what I wanted. I had always had a brain, but never enough mobility to do anything on my own, until now. I began to crawl down the street, searching for some nice vajayjay to crawl up perhaps. Suddenly, I heard a scream.

‘Aaaaaahhhh!!!!’ The woman cried. ‘THAAAT’S A PENIS!!!’

I felt annoyed. This wasn’t the kind of reaction a penis wanted when being seen. You see, we are a proud bunch, and we need loving too. I hurried away from the judgmental woman and crawled under a door. Seconds later, I realized I had entered a church. I began helicoptering myself as I lifted higher and higher in the air, for better visibility to see over everyone’s heads. I suddenly heard gasps and an ‘Ewwww’. Then more women screaming. I sighed, as the church quickly emptied, most of whom exited by smashing windows, not wanting to get near me.

I followed them outside, when suddenly, I smelled a fishy smell. A vajayjay was near, one that hadn’t apparently been salted in weeks! The fishy smell got stronger as I approached the woman who owned the vajayjay, when all of a sudden she yelled

‘Yuck, it looks like a cheeto puff!’

Well that’s a first, I thought. Determined to shine and impress her, I began to swell in size. ‘10 inches!’ I heard someone yell. ‘NOW 15 INCHES!!!’ someone else yelled.

More and more people began gathering, hopefully to see my sexiness, though they looked a bit afraid for some reason. As a penis who belonged to a wizard, I had magic of my own. So I just kept on growing using my magic. I got bigger and bigger until I was as big as a tree. By now, most people were running away. I could smell more vajayjays now. The closer I tried to get to the vajayjays, the more chaotic the thousands of people became. The vajayjays fishy smell made me happy, so I spit a white gooey substance from within me. People tripped and cars skidded on the sticky substance, many eventually becoming stuck.

Vehicles with flashing lights began to arrive. They pointed metal wands and fired. My magic repelled all the metal that came flying at me for the next few minutes, eventually starting small fires.  
Alas, the city was in chaos. People were running around screaming, vehicles were smashing into buildings, as smoke filled the air everywhere. Well, I guess I wasn’t gonna find some vajayjay today, I finally accepted while returning to my regular size.

Suddenly, I heard someone yell ‘Accio’ as I went flying into an individuals hand and then heard a loud pop. We had apparated at a hospital, I realized, and I recognized that I was near my owner. A skilled healer was able to attach me back to my owner; it felt nice to be home amongst the red pubes to be honest. What a day for a penis, I thought. I yawned, and went to sleep.

*****************

‘Blimey, am I glad to have my penis back, huh?’ Ron whispered once the healing process was over.

‘I still don’t get it mate, how do you even splinch yourself there!?’ Harry asked.

‘Looks like he’s working though, can’t wait to get laid again!’ Ron said happily.

‘You’re worried about sex? There are about a thousand witches and wizards from the ministry trying to take control of the situation in London, all those memories that need to be wiped out!’ Hermione exclaimed. ‘So much destruction everywhere!’

‘Oh, there will be more destruction tonight’ Ron said with a grin, staring at Hermione’s camel toe as he felt his penis waking up again.


End file.
